Rajinikanth Jokes collection ! Exclusive

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Presenting the largest online collection of Rajnikanth Jokes for your Facebook Status Update.
If you spell Rajnikanth in scrabble, you win. FOREVER.

Rajnikanth doesn’t get frostbite. He bites frost.

Outer space exists only because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Rajnikanth

Rajnikanth played russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

They once made Rajnikanth toilet paper but it didnt work. Rajnijanth doesnt take shit from ANYBODY.

Rajnikanth sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

There is no such thing as evolution. It’s just a list of creatures that Rajinikanth allowed to live.

Rajnikanth can divide by zero.

Rajinikanth can judge a book by it’s cover.

Rajinikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.

Rajinikanth once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are today called giraffes.

Rajinikanth can make onions cry.

Rajinikanth doesn’t breathe. Air hides in his lungs for protection.

Rajinikanth does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.

Rajinikanth has already been to Mars. That’s why there are no signs of life there.

Rajinikanth doesn’t move at the speed of light. Light moves at the speed of Rajinikanth.

Rajinikanth knows Victoria’s secret.

When Rajnikanth hits you, even google can’t find you.

Rajnikanth doesn’t do push-ups. He pushes the earth down.

Superman can fly. Rajnikanth can make others fly.

Time waits for Rajnikanth. And he can kill time too.

Dead sea died because Rajnikanth killed it.

If you ask Rajnikanth what time it is, he says “2 seconds till” . After you ask “till what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Rajnikanth does not wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

His email id: gmail@rajnikanth.com!

His email id: rajnikanth@hotmale.com

Rajnikanth can drown a fish. 

Rajinikanth leaves messages before the beep.

Once, a cobra bit Rajinikanth. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Rajinikanth and Superman once made a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underpants on the outside.

Rajinikanth was once in a knife fight: And the knife lost.

When Rajinikanth gets pulled over, he lets the cop off with a warning.

It takes Rajinikanth 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Rajinikanth bit the apple in the Apple logo.

Death once had a near-Rajinikanth experience.

Rajinikanth kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is “The Two”.

Rajinikanth sleeps with the light on. Not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of 

Rajinikanth once played the Wheel Of Fortune. It is still spinning.

Rajinikanth can set water on fire. He can also set fire on water.

Rajinikanth can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.

Rajinikanth made a Happy Meal cry.

Rajinikanth can kill two stones with one bird.

Rajinikanth knows the last digit of pi.

Rajinikanth is so fast that he can lock the drawer and leave the keys inside.

Rajinikanth can squeeze orange juice out of a banana.

The Chennai – Delhi Rajdhani Express once missed Rajinikanth. It ran as fast as it could but failed to catch him.

Rajinikanth was once shot in the heart. The bullet died.

 When Rajinikanth had surgery, the anesthesia was given to the doctors.

The dinosaurs aren’t extinct. They’re just hiding from Rajinikanth.

Rajinikanth called 911 to order Chinese, and got it.

Stars wish upon Rajinikanth.

What would happen if Rajnikanth enters the BigBoss house? “Rajnikanth chahte hain ki BigBoss confession room mein aa jayen” :P 

Rajnikant can create the folder ‘con’ in windows….

When Rajnikanth will die instead of RIP,his tombstone will write BRB!

Once a guy winked at Rajnikanth’s wife. Rajnikanth twisted his limbs and broke his eyelid. We now know him as Baba Ramdev.. 

Rajnikanth is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds, with his fists. Now the odds do not go anywhere near Rajnikanth

If Rajnikanth was a villian in a video game, you’ll never win. But if he was the hero, it’s unplayable; because no one controls Rajnikanth

Rajnikanth can destroy a country with a hand gun…without reloading..

Once Rajnikanth went on the TV show “Kaun Banega Crorepati”, they instantly renamed the show for that one day to “Rajni Banega Crorepati”

Rajnikanth was originally going to play Leonidas in the movie 300 but he kept kicking the Persians over the pit into outer space.

Even Ghajni remembers Rajni!!!

Once Rajnikanth and his wife landed up in an arguement….gusse mein Rajni showed middle finger to his wife…and his wige got pregnant!!!

It could rain around the whole world and Rajnikanth will catch EVERY drop, leaving the whole world dry

Rajnikanth beat the Incredible Hulk at arm-wrestling with both hands tied behind his back

Rajnikanth was once struck by lightning…Thats why lightning never strikes in the same place twice…because Rajnikanth is looking for it.

Before he saw Rajnikanth, Karan Johar was straight.

I lost in teen patti even though i had 3 Aces, coz my friend had 3 Rajni’s!

What is Rajnikanth’s fart called?….. Rajnigandha.

A 22 wheeler Tata truck once crashed into Rajnikanth. Now, its called Tata Nano!

Rajnikanth is a responsible citizen. The only bar he likes is Sambar :P 

Rajnikanth’s first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.

Rajnikanth once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again as one Grand Canyon is enough.

When Rajnikanth was a baby, he didn’t suck his mother’s breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajnikanth.

Rajnikanth has never won a Filmfare Award for acting… because he’s not acting.

Rajnikanth has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

Rajnikanth once ordered a chicken in a restaurant. The chicken did what it was told.

Rajnikanth has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.

Rajnikanth crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives. (Why Rajnikanth crossed the road?)

Rajnikanth doesn’t churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

When you say “no one’s perfect”, Rajnikanth takes this as a personal insult.

Rajnikanth will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Rajnikanth doesn’t go hunting…. Rajnikanth GOES KILLING.

With the rising cost of petrol, Rajnikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

For undercover police work, Rajnikanth pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.

When Rajnikanth talks about “pumping iron” he is actually referring to masturbation.

Rajnikanth is always on top during sex because Rajnikanth never fucks up.

Ghosts are a result of Rajnikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.

Rajnikanth’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. Nobody fools Rajnikanth.

Rajnikanth wears a cup not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team.

If at first you don’t succeed you must not be Rajnikanth.

Rules of fighting: 1) Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don’t bring a gun to a Rajnikanth fight.

Rajnikanth is currently suing Constitution, claiming “Law and Order” are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

People who maintain that “size doesn’t matter” have never had sex with Rajnikanth.

Hospitals are also known as “Rajnikanth Recovery Centers”. This applies doubly to the maternity wards.

Rajnikanth once round-house kicked a salesman to death – over the phone.

Rajnikanth does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Rajnikanth.

The Beatles claimed they were bigger than Jesus but never once claimed to be bigger than Rajnikanth.

When you die, the last thing you see is Rajnikanth.

Rajnikanth has never had an alcohol problem. However, alcohol has had a Rajnikanth problem.

Rajnikanth once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the “Hulk”. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Rajnikanth.

Rajnikanth does not have an iPod. He has a RajniPod.

There are no races, only countries of people Rajnikanth has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

If Rajnikanth lost his way, it would apologize him.

When in a bar, you can order a drink called a “Rajnikanth”. It is also known as a “Bloody Mary”, if your name happens to be Mary.

Rajnikanth puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”.

When Rajnikanth laughs too hard while drinking milk, he accidentally shits a cow.

Rajnikanth grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Rajnikanth doesn’t own a can opener, he just chews through the can.

Rajnikanth ordered a Maharaja Mac at Jumbo King, and got one!

 Rajnikanth once beat a wall in a game of tennis.

The universe is expanding because matter is trying to get further away from Rajnikanth.

Google won’t search for Rajnikanth because it knows you don’t find Rajnikanth, he finds you!

The Sun doesn’t beat Rajnikanth up in the morning, he beats up the Sun.

He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Rajnikanth, dies by the roundhouse kick.

Rajnikanth can clap with one hand.

When Rajnikanth gets a call from a telemarketer, he tells them what to buy!

Rajnikanth doesn’t need a condom. he simply says “Stop” and his sperms obey.

Rajnikanth doesn’t have nightmares, nightmares have Rajnikanth! 

Rajnikanth only has one hand…. the upper hand.

When Rajnikanth plays golf he marks down a hole in 0 every time.

What do missiles and Rajnikanth have in common? They are both weapons of mass destruction!

Rajnikanth can unscramble an egg.

Rajnikanth doesn’t read books. He stares them down till he gets the information he wants.

Rajnikanth can sneeze with his eyes open.

Rajnikanth once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Rajnikanth is not insured for earthquakes, earthquakes are insured for Rajnikanth. 

Rajnikanth doesn’t mow lawns, he looks at them and dares them to grow.

Rajnikanth once had an erection while lying face down on ground, and struck oil.

The main ingredient of Viagra is Rajnikanth’s blood.

When Rajnikanth enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Rajnikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Aliens do exist. They’re just waiting for Rajnikanth to die before they attack.

The only place Rajnikanth likes to drive people, is insane.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Rajnikanth out. It failed miserably.

Rajnikanth’s tears can cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Rajnikanth was the original director of Toy Story 3. His version wasn’t approved as everyone ended up dead.

The quickest way to a mans heart is Rajnikanth’s Fist.

Rajnikanth secretly sleeps with every woman in the world-as a result, they bleed once a month.

Rajnikanth once shot down a jet fighter plane by pointing his finger in the air & yelling, “Bang!”

when Rajnikanth walks out into the rain, he doesn’t get wet. The rain gets Rajnikanth.

There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Rajnikanth’s computer. Rajnikanth is always in control.

“Everybody Loves Raymond”. Rajnikanth does not love Raymond.

Rajnikanth can put humpty dumpty back together again. 

Rajnikanth doesnt go in for audition. The movie is always based on him.

Jesus can walk on water but Rajnikanth can swim through land.

Rajnikanth doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

Rajnikanth can slam shut a revolving door.

Rajnikanth once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

Rajnikanth’s every step creates a mini-whirl. The Hurricane Katrina was a result of his morning walk.

The Bermuda Triangle used to be a square, until Rajnikanth cut one angle off.

Rajnikanth gave Monalisa that smile. 

Rajnikanth destroyed the periodic table, because Rajnikanth only recognizes the element of surprise.

Rajnikanth doesn’t chew gum. Rajnikanth chews tin foil.

Rajnikanth recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Rajnikanth can write a 141 character long tweet!

Rajnikant knows the answer to who came first…chicken or egg!!
Paul, the Psychic Octopus was asked to predic Rajnikanth’s death. Paul died.

Once Rajnikanth issued a cheque. The bank bounced. 

Rajnikanth knows ‘hum Chlormint kyun khate hain’!

Rajnikanth defeated light in 100 meters race!

Rajnikanth’s next project is the Titanic in Tamil. However, Rajni has twisted the climax. Both the lead actors survive.
Rajni swims across the Atlantic Ocean with the heroine in one hand and… the Titanic in the other! 

Recently China airports were closed due to heavy fog. Later it was discovered that Rajnikanth was smoking in India! 

Rajnikanth did his KG from seven different schools. Today those institutions are known as IITs! 

The Government of India pays tax to Rajnikanth for living here! 

When Rajnikanth stares at the sun in anger, the sun hides behind the moon, and this phenomena is knows as a Solar Eclipse! 

Rajnikanth woke up one day and decided he would share one per cent of his knowledge with the world. Thus, Google was born! 

What would have happened if Rajnikanth was born 150 years ago? The British would have fought for independence! 

Even Ghajini remembers Rajni! 

When do earthquakes occur? When Rajnikanth’s mobile is on vibration mode! 

Once Rajnikanth bunked a whole day in school. Since then, that day is known as Sunday! 

The Pyramids of Egypt are actually Rajnikanth’s primary school craft projects! 

ISRO does not exist anymore. Rajnikanth bought all the rockets for Diwali! 

Why did Rajnikanth buy an acre of land with four wells on each corner? To play carrom! 

Before Tom Cruise, Rajnikanth was approached to do Mission Impossible. He refused, because he found the title insulting! 

When Rajinikanth enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on… he turns the dark off. 

When Rajinikanth shows you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live. 

There is no such thing as global warming. Rajinikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up 

Rajinikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”. 

East India Company left India in 1947, Because Rajini was supposed to be born in 1949. 

Rajinikanth was offered Aamir’s role in “Ghajini” but he denied. Because Rajanikanth can only give memory loss. 

Genies rub Rajinikanth and he grants them three wishes. 

Rajnikanth once got into a fight with a VCR player. Now it plays DVDs.

Rajinikanth can slam a revolving door.

Rajinikanth once ordered a plate of idli in McDonald’s, and got it.

Rajinikanth can win at Solitaire with only 18 cards.

he Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajinikanth kicked one of the corners off.

Rajinikanth can build a snowman out of rain.

Rajinikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Rajinikanth destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Rajinikanth has counted to infinity, twice.

Rajinikanth will attain separate statehood in 2013.

Rajinikanth did in fact, build Rome in a day.

Rajinikanth once got into a knife-fight. The knife lost.

Rajinikanth can play the violin with a piano.

The only man who ever outsmarted Rajinikanth was Stephen Hawking, and he got what he deserved.

Rajinikanth can talk about Fight Club.

Rajinikanth kills Harry Potter in the eighth book.

Rajinikanth once warned a young girl to be good “or else”. The result? Mother Teresa.

Rajinikanth electrocuted Iron Man.

Rajinikanth killed Spiderman using Baygon Anti Bug Spray.

Rajinikanth can make PCs better than the Mac.

Rajinikanth goes to court and sentences the judge.

Rajinikanth can handle the truth.

Rajinikanth can speak Braille.

Rajinikanth can dodge Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kicks.

Rajinikanth can teach an old dog new tricks.

Rajinikanth calls Voldemort by his name.

Who do you think taught Voldemort Parseltongue? Rajinikanth did.

Chuck Norris once met Rajinikanth. The result – He was reduced to a joke on the internet.

Rajinikanth got small pox when he was a kid. As a result small pox is now eradicated.

Rajinikanth’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajanikanth.

The last time Rajinikanth killed someone, he slapped himself to do it. The other guy just disintegrated. Resonance.

Rajinikanth once had a heart attack. His heart lost.

Rajinikant is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Rajinikanth can run at speed of light around a tree and screw himself.

Rajinikant can lick his elbows.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajinikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Words like awesomeness, brilliance, legendary etc. were added to the dictionary in the year 1949. That was 
the year Rajinikanth was born.

The statement “nobody can cheat death”, is a personal insult to Rajnikanth. Rajni cheats and fools death everyday.

When Rajnikanth is asked to kill some one he doesn’t know, he shoots the bullet and directs it the day he finds out.

Rajinikant can give pain to Painkillers and headache to Anacin.

Rajinikanth knows what women really want.

Rajinikanth sneezed only once in his entire life, that’s when the tsunami occurred in the Indian ocean.

As a child when Rajinikanth had dyslexia, he simply re-scripted the alphabet.

Rajinikanth collects Honey from his private Moon – HoneyMoon.

Rajinikanth can answer a missed call.

Rajinikanth doesn’t need a visa to travel abroad, he just jumps from the tallest building in Chennai and holds himself in the air while the earth rotates.

Rajinikanth’s brain works faster than Chacha Chaudhury’s.

Rajinikanth doesn’t shower. He only takes blood baths.

To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Rajinikanth.

Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there is Rajinikanth, there is no other way.

Rajinikanth’s every step creates a mini whirlwind. Hurricane Katrina was the result of a morning jog.

Rajinikanth doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint out of fear.

Archaeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Rajinikanth”.

There is no such thing as global warming. Rajinikanth was feeling cold, so brought the sun closer to heat the earth up.

Rajinikanth is a champion in the game “Hide n’ seek”, as no one can hide from Rajinikanth.

Rajinikanth proves Newton wrong all the time. Every time he performs an action, he simply eliminates anything and everything that can provide the reaction.

Rajinikanth is a weapon created by God to use on doomsday to end the world.

Aliens do indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Rajinikanth is on.

We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Rajinikanth.

If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Rajinikanth.

Rajinikanth’s first job was as a bus conductor. There were no survivors.

Rajinikanth does not style his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

When Rajinikanth plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.

Rajinikanth is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Rajinikanth’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

These jokes are not meant to hurt anyone's personal feelings..Its all Just for fun !Even i am a great fan of Superstar .So,Please Just take these for fun and not serious !

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