Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Joke 1

Once Suppandi's master's book had been torn. Suppandi stitched it back with thread. His master advised him to use super glue to stitch or stick together anything as it gives better results. 
Then One Day-
Master: Suppandi, iron my new and expensive suit as it has to be worn on the wedding tonight. 
That evening-
Master: Suppandi, give me my suit. 
Suppandi: Here it is.
Master: What has happened to it? What do you think you did to it?
Suppandi: The suit had been stitched together with thread, so I removed all the thread and stuck it together with super glue. Doesn't it give a much better result.
Master: S-U-P-P-A-N-D-I!!!! You're fired! Get out. 

Joke 2

One day Suppandi was playing football with his master's son. He had been posted as goalkeeper. Then the opposition charged towards his goal and kicked the ball into the goal from right beside his legs. The masters son was boiling with anger. 
Son: Why didn't you stop the ball Suppandi?
Suppandi: Why in the world should I stop it? What is the net in the goal for?

Joke 3

One day Suppandi and his master were returning from somewhere in the intense heat.
Master: The sun has darkened our skins Suppandi.
Suppandi agreed. The next day-
Master: Suppandi! Get me a bottle of hair dye from the neighbouring store. After some time-
Master: Suppandi, didn't you get that bottle.
Suppandi: I went to the shop, but then I had a brilliant idea. Why don't you stand out in the sun. The sun will darken your hair. 

Joke 4 

Master: Suppandi, why have you put the spoilt mangoes in the sink. Put them in the dustbin. That's where all spoiled thing's go.
Suppandi: Yes Master.
Master: After throwing them in the dustbin go and get my son, Vijay from school.
After some time there were noises and screams for help coming from the kitchen.The Master rushed in.
Master: Suppandi, what do you think you are doing with my son by putting him into the dustbin?
Suppandi: Master, when I had gone to get him, his teacher told me that he was a spoiled brat. You only told me that all spoilt things go in the dustbin.

Joke 5

Master: Suppandi, How much time does it take for you to post a letter? And look, you haven't even posted the letter the 1 hour you have been out. 
Suppandi: I searched the whole town master. But all the post boxes were locked. 

Joke 6

Suppandi was dialing the phone to his friend. 
Master: Suppandi don't talk on the phone for more than 3 minutes.
After about ten minutes.
Master: Suppandi, I told you not to talk on the phone for so long. 
Suppandi: I didn't master. I talked only for three minutes, the rest of the time I have been listening.

Joke 7

Suppandi's master was a small time business man. He had told Suppandi to always try to earn a profit.
Master: Suppandi, I am expecting a washing machine at Dinkar's Stores. Go and give this Rs.50 note to the shopkeeper and get the machine.
On the way back from the store, a man met Suppandi.
Man: How much did you buy that machine for? 
Suppandi: Rs.50.
Man: I will give you Rs.90 for it.
Suppandi thought that he was making a profit and sold it and reached home.
Master: Where is the machine? Suppandi: I sold it off on the way for Rs.90, a clear profit of Rs.40.
Master: You fool, that machine was worth Rs.9000. I was paying for it in installments.
Get out!

Joke 8

Master: Suppandi, how much did you spend on the groceries today?
Suppandi: I spent Rs.99 and 50 paise.
Master: Why don't you round it off to Rs.100. Rounding off figures is very convenient.
Then one day-
Master: Suppandi, go and get me a ticket to Mumbai.
Suppandi: Yes Master.
When he came back, 
Master: What time does the train leave tomorrow?
Suppandi: 4 p.m.
Then the next day-
Master: Its 4 p.m., and the train to Mumbai hasn't arrived, I think it is late.
A passer by: No sir, the train left at 3:45.
Master: Suppandi, you told me the train is leaving at 4:00 p.m.
Suppandi: The time was 3:45 but I rounded it off to 4p.m.


Master: Suppandi, one of my shoes is torn, I'll get another one from the market.
Suppandi: But you still have the other shoe master.
Master: Don't be funny Suppandi, what good is one shoe without the other.
Then one day-
Master: Suppandi, here take these two Rs.500 notes and go get 10 tube lights.
Suppandi: Okay.
Master: Suppandi you are back so soon, where are the tube lights?
Suppandi: When I was going, one of the notes slipped from my hand and fell into the sewer, what good is the other note without the pair? So I threw that also into the sewer.


Master: Suppandi, go and stop a taxi, I have to go to Chennai right away. 
Suppandi: Yes master. 
After a while-
Suppandi: Master I could not find a single empty taxi, all of them had atleast one man sitting in them.

One day Suppandi was shouting at a couple of children telling them not to make a noise. His master told him that shouting was a bad habit and one should not shout.
Then one morning-
Master: We have been robbed of everything Suppandi!
Suppandi: I know, I saw the thief last night. 
Master: But then why didn't you shout for help?
Suppandi: You only told me that shouting was a bad habit.


Master: Suppandi go and get one tomato. Remember to get it from the place you get it the cheapest.
That night-
Master: Suppandi I had only told you get one tomato, what took you so long?
Suppandi: I had caught a train and had gone to a village 100 miles from here which grows tomatoes. There they were the cheapest.

Joke 13 
Master: Suppandi, why are you holding the receiver of the phone to your ear? Did it ring? 
Suppandi: No, I am expecting an urgent call from my brother.

Joke 14 

Master: Suppandi, I cannot find one of these socks, where have you dumped it?
Suppandi: Here it is master.
Master: If you don't keep things in the proper place, they are bound to get lost.
That evening when the master's son came home from school-
Master: How come your Geography teacher has written a note that you are not studying properly? What did you do?
Son: My teacher asked me where Washington was located, and I didn't know where it was. 
Suppandi: You would have been able to find it, had you kept it in the right place!

Joke 15

Suppandi was once interviewed for a job as a prison guard.
Inspector: Hmmmmmmm..... Now these are really tough chaps in here, do you think you can manage? 
Suppandi: No problem, If they don't behave, out they go.


Suppandi's new master was a gardener.
Master: Suppandi, I had asked you to weed the garden today, why haven't you done it yet? 
Suppandi: I thought that I will do it tomorrow.
Master: Silly boy, never leave anything for tomorrow, when you can today.
The next day-
Master: Suppandi, pluck all the ripe mangoes from the garden.
That evening-
Master: You fool, why have you plucked the unripe ones too?
Suppandi: I thought I will pluck them today, instead of waiting for you to tell me to to do it tomorrow.

Joke 17

One day at lunch- Master: Suppandi, why have you cooked only one dish, you must always do a little extra than what I tell you to do, more never hurts.
That evening-
Master: Suppandi, get me a cup of tea.
A little later-
Master: What is this? Why have you got me 4 cups of tea? 
Suppandi: You only said, a little extra never hurts.

Joke 18

Suppandi: What are you doing master? 
Master: I am writing a novel.
Suppandi: Why are you doing that when you can simply buy it from the market?

Joke 19

Mistress: Suppandi, go and hang these clothes outside to dry.
Suppandi: Why?
Mistress: Because the heat of the sun will dry the clothes.
A little later-
Mistress: Suppandi, why are you standing in the hot sun?
Suppandi: I was trying to dry my sweat.

Joke 20
Suppandi's new master was the owner of a departmental store.
Master: Suppandi, before giving the clothes to the customers always open it and check it for defects.
That evening-
Customer: One film roll please.
Master: Suppandi, what do you think you are doing? Why have you opened the film roll?
Suppandi: I was checking it for defects, master.

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